A Simple Lesson That Saved Many A Relationship

Today’s Reading: 2 John

In my library, I have more than fifteen thousand books. I love books on preaching. Two preeminent nineteenth-century preachers whose sermons are in my library are Charles Spurgeon (Metropolitan Tabernacle Sermons—sixty-three volumes) and Joseph Parker (Preaching Through the Bible). Both men had powerful churches in London at the same time. City Temple and Metropolitan Tabernacle were contemporaries, and both did amazing things. Though their books sit side by side on my bookshelf, the men in person seemed to have some issues with each other.

Joseph Parker published an open letter in the newspaper to express his concerns for his friend and colleague, Charles Spurgeon. The letter read, “Let me advise you to widen the circle of which you are the center. You are surrounded by offerers of incense. They flatter your weakness, they laugh at your jokes, they feed you with compliments. My dear Spurgeon, you are too big a man for this.”

Today’s chapter, 2 John, maybe a very short letter, but it has a huge message for Joseph Parker in the nineteenth century and for us in the twenty-first century. In John’s small thirteen-verse letter, he ends it with these practical words that we all need to hear: “Though I have many things to write to you, I do not want to do so with paper and ink; but I hope to come to you and speak face to face, so that your joy may be made full” (verse 12).

Many believe 2 John was written to the same people that 1 John was written to. What is interesting is that when he starts off the letter “to the chosen lady and her children,” some think he is writing to the church and not a mom and kids, that it was a metaphor for the bride of Christ. Regardless, the apostle wanted to say a number of things to these Christians.

John gives us this amazing practical advice: some things can be paper and ink, and some things must be face to face. This is so good. And John delineates for us that all information is not disseminated the same way. I would like to put in my two cents to tell you what I think is face-to-face and what I think is ink and paper.

While I was attending the funeral of a loved one out of respect, a family member showed me something I could not believe. He pulled from his pocket a forty-year-old letter that was written to the deceased. A pastor had written the letter and in it shared some concerns and bad news with that person. I saw the letter’s fold marks that were about to come apart from being opened and folded so many times over the years to show people the audacity of the preacher. This person, now deceased, was so angry with the letter and the pastor’s insight on a situation that he’d carried it around for four decades. By the way, I read the letter, and the preacher’s words were true, but that is not the point. The point is that someone carried around a letter that infuriated him for forty years, and now it’s in the hands of a family member who I pray does not do the same.

Though the preacher’s words were true, they did not belong on paper. Some things are paper and ink, and some things are face to face.

Here is the rule: anything that is corrective or negative must be done face to face. Anything positive and encouraging can be done with paper and ink. Why? Posterity and longevity. Paper can be saved. Even for forty years.

I want people to hold onto a positive and encouraging text message or letter of uplifting words. I want them to be able to look at it, again and again, to bring joy and hope in tough times. I have done that before.

When something is hard and corrective, then do it face to face. People need to hear your tone, see your facial expressions, notice your tears, and be able to ask questions.

I wish Joseph Parker would have gone face to face with Spurgeon and not paper and ink. His concerns for a friend should have been done privately to help him. If he had something great to say about Spurgeon, then do an open letter. In Matthew 18:15, NIV Jesus tells us, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” The goal is not to win an argument but to win back a friend.

Let’s be clear. This was not just a nineteenth-century problem for Spurgeon and Parker. We have an issue with social media. It may not be literally paper and ink, but posting is the same. I urge you to keep the same 2 John rule: if it’s negative or combative, don’t post. If it’s encouraging and positive, post it.

You may ask, “But what if I am concerned about their point of view or stand on something?” Then show them love, by going directly and privately to them, not writing about them.

I heard one of my pastor friends say: “If you are bolder on Facebook than in person, then you are a fraud.” Wow, that is convicting.

John’s first-century advice on face to face or paper and ink should have been heeded with two London pastors—and most definitely needs to be heeded in today’s social media frenzy.

Thanks, John, for this amazing insight for us. Point taken and followed through.

I want you to notice I put that in ink.


Excerpt from:
Dilena, Tim. The 260 Journey. Colorado Springs, CO, Book Villages, 2001.
260journey.com